Confrontation

What do you do when you run into a major point of contention in ministry?  It is a difficult question because of the people who are affected by our service.  Here are some basics to follow in navigating the hazards of strife.

First, is your issue addressed in the Word?  The things in the Word are black and white.  Either God allows and approves it or He doesn't.  What God approves, we approve, and what God forbids we forbid.  These things are non-negotiable.  We cannot compromise, even if it means we offend people or run afoul of what is culturally accepted.

What if the Word is silent?  I have yet to find an issue that is not addressed in the Word, so I have to say this is a question that comes for people looking for self justification.

Harder questions are found when they are based on relational and values differences.  Just because we call ourselves Christian doesn't mean we truly measure up to the standards of what God calls Christian.  These issues often cause us great stress and trouble.

Not everyone in the Church shares the same values.  This isn't a new problem, and I imagine it is something that has existed as long as there has been flesh on the earth.  Differing opinions of when a deviation from the truth becomes a lie, what constitutes theft, when not keeping one's word is acceptable, and so on.  Often I have heard that I was not walking in love or forgiveness when I have been forced to confront such departure from the standard of the Word.

Paul gives us great insight in how to deal with such matters.  He "calls a spade a spade" and reveals the biblical standard to which we must adhere, and held both the individuals and leadership accountable accordingly.  He advocates private confrontation followed by a witnessed confrontation.  If these do not produce repentance and a return to biblical standards, a public action is in order.  As a last resort, an obvious extreme action, the offender was to be excluded from fellowship for the sake of the body.

Now understand, the goal of any confrontation is reconciliation and restoration.  While we cannot guarantee that one who is in error will turn back to the truth, we must stay in position to restore those who do. 

Don't be afraid of confrontation, but make certain you get it right.  Approach every confrontation with prayer and discernment.  Rely on the power and leading of the Holy Spirit to guide your actions in love and compassion.  But, don't hesitate to confront the things that need to be addressed.

Let me give you an example.  A minister is in financial difficulty and asks to borrow $100.00 dollars from you.  In your compassion you loan him the money with the understanding that you will be repaid within 30 days.  By the end of the month you have received $75.00, and the minister apologizes profusely and promises to make good on the debt within two weeks.  It is the last you hear from him on the matter.  What are you to do?  If you immediately think forgiveness, I must ask, would you forgive it so easily if it was 100 times as much.  The principle of integrity and faithfulness is the same.  Even if you choose the course of forgiveness, you need to confront the offender.  If you don't, you become complicit in the crime.

The biblical pattern of Matthew 18 now comes into play.  1.  Go to the offender and confront him.  Ideally, this is where repentance happens, the debt is paid, and all is well with the world.  If not ... 2. Take a witness and once again confront the offender, presenting your case, and seeking reconciliation.  Again, ideally, repentance is the result.  If not ... 3.  Take it before the church, that is, bring the issue before the local church to which this person is connected.  This not only puts additional pressure on the offender, it gives more witnesses, gives more opportunity for discernment, and makes the Body aware of the problem.  If that still does not result in a change in behavior and satisfaction of the debt, the next thing to do is to act to exclude the offender from fellowship until they repent and reconcile.

This can seem harsh, can result in additional problems, and can be costly, which may be why so many people don't bother.  Ask yourself, do you love them enough to help them overcome their destructive and offensive behavior?  Do you care enough to turn them from their hellish path?

We need to be committed to upholding God's measure of a man's character, God's standard of morality, and godly integrity.  Together we can be a people of biblical values, of godly character, and of life God approves of.  May we pay the price of integrity ans see God pour out His favor on the Church as a result.